The fifth.

In some ways, he's trying to protect you.

When naura said that, I can't literally hold up my tears. Sekarang akhirnya aku bisa menangis setelah selama beberapa lama menahan tangis. This is the first time I cried because of him. And I'm gonna make sure this is gonna be the last time.

Dan aku susah menelan kenyataan pahit bahwa aku menangis di akhirannya. Bukan di tengah klimaks cerita. Bahkan aku menangis ketika ceritanya sudah harusnya berakhir.

Seharusnya aku sudah move, dari lama. Bahkan dia saja sudah menyalipku duluan. Ke seseorang yang lebih baik.

Harusnya aku rela dan senang, tapi aku tidak merasakan kelegaan sama sekali.

Well, I miss him. A lot. I miss him so badly but he treats me like I'm a stranger and it hurt. Bahkan dia terasa begitu berjarak.

Bahkan aku tidak bisa menjelaskan betapa menyesalnya aku, yang telah menyakiti hatinya. Bahkan aku tidak berani menatap matanya.

Oh gosh, how I miss his gorgeous eyes.

Aku benar-benar merindukannya.

Walaupun aku tahu dia tidak akan peduli. Aku juga selalu mengetahui kabarnya dari jauh. Akan selalu menoleh jika namanya disebut.

You miss him. That's okay. It's okay missing someone that doesn't miss you back.

Ugh, BUT IT DOES HURT. I can't stand it anymore. But I have to.

I miss his smile, his chat, and how he wanted me.

Aku tahu dia sudah berubah drastis. Dan aku tetap saja bisa menemukan sifat aslinya bagaimana. I know him. He knows me.

How did we get here? I used to know you so well.

I used to know him so well, but not anymore. You've changed. We've changed. People do changes. But he treats me like I'm stranger since May 31st, 16:16 pm.

I used to feel okay with that, but no. Now I'm not okay. He don't know how hard it is to not care. He don't know how hard it is to avoid the swings. He don't know how hard could that be to be careless.

Do you think that you'll forget? Because I'm afraid that one day, you will.

I miss you to the moon and back,

Nexia.